While relating in synopsis form the last division of the pastimes of Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu, in this chapter I shall describe the Lord’s transcendental ecstasy, which appears like madness due to His separation from Kṛṣṇa. (1) All glories to Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu! All glories to Lord Nityānanda! All glories to Advaitacandra! And all glories to all the devotees of the Lord! (2) During His last twelve years, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu always manifested all the symptoms of ecstasy in separation from Kṛṣṇa. (3) Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu’s state of mind, day and night, was practically identical to Rādhārāṇī’s state of mind when Uddhava came to Vṛndāvana to see the gopīs. (4)
The Lord constantly exhibited a state of mind reflecting the madness of separation. All His activities were based on forgetfulness, and His talks were always based on madness. (5) Blood flowed from all the pores of His body, and all His teeth were loosened. At one moment His whole body became slender, and at another moment His whole body became fat. (6) The small room beyond the corridor is called the Gambhīrā. Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu used to stay in that room, but He did not sleep for a moment. All night He used to grind His mouth and head on the wall, and His face sustained injuries all over. (7)
Although the three doors of the house were always closed, the Lord would nonetheless go out and sometimes would be found at the Jagannātha Temple, before the gate known as Siṁha- dvāra. And sometimes the Lord would fall flat into the sea. (8) Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu would also run very fast across the sand dunes, mistaking them for Govardhana. As He ran, He would wail and cry loudly. (9) Sometimes Caitanya Mahāprabhu mistook the small parks of the city for Vṛndāvana. Sometimes He would go there, dance and chant and sometimes fall unconscious in spiritual ecstasy. (10) The extraordinary transformations of the body due to transcendental feelings would never have been possible for anyone but the Lord, in whose body all transformations were manifest. (11) The joints of His hands and legs would sometimes become separated by eight inches, and they remained connected only by the skin. (12)
Sometimes Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu’s hands, legs and head would all enter within His body, just like the withdrawn limbs of a tortoise. (13) In this way Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu used to manifest wonderful ecstatic symptoms. His mind appeared vacant, and there were only hopelessness and disappointment in His words. (14) Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu used to express His mind in this way: “Where is the Lord of My life, who is playing His flute? What shall I do now? Where should I go to find the son of Mahārāja Nanda? (15) “To whom should I speak? Who can understand My disappointment? Without the son of Nanda Mahārāja, My heart is broken.” (16) In this way Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu always expressed bewilderment and lamented in separation from Kṛṣṇa. At such times He used to recite the ślokas from Rāmānanda Rāya’s drama, known as Jagannātha- vallabha- nāṭaka. (17)
[Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī used to lament:] “‘Our Kṛṣṇa does not realize what We have suffered from injuries inflicted in the course of loving affairs. We are actually misused by love because love does not know where to strike and where not to strike. Even Cupid does not know of Our very much weakened condition. What should I tell anyone? No one can understand another’s difficulties. Our life is actually not under Our control, for youth will remain for two or three days and soon be finished. In this condition, O creator, what will be Our destination?’” (18) [Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī spoke thus, in distress due to separation from Kṛṣṇa:] “Oh, what shall I say of My distress? After I met Kṛṣṇa My loving propensities sprouted, but upon separating from Him I sustained a great shock, which is now continuing like the sufferings of a disease. The only physician for this disease is Kṛṣṇa Himself, but He is not taking care of this sprouting plant of devotional service. What can I say about the behavior of Kṛṣṇa? Outwardly He is a very attractive young lover, but at heart He is a great cheat, very expert in killing others’ wives.” (19) [Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī continued lamenting about the consequences of loving Kṛṣṇa:] “My dear friend, I do not understand the regulative principles given by the Creator. I loved Kṛṣṇa for happiness, but the result was just the opposite. I am now in an ocean of distress. It must be that now I am going to die, for My vital force no longer remains. This is My state of mind. (20)
“By nature loving affairs are very crooked. They are not entered with sufficient knowledge, nor do they consider whether a place is suitable or not, nor do they look forward to the results. By the ropes of His good qualities, Kṛṣṇa, who is so unkind, has bound My neck and hands, and I am unable to get relief. (21) “In My loving affairs there is a person named Madana. His qualities are thus: Personally He possesses no gross body, yet He is very expert in giving pains to others. He has five arrows, and fixing them on His bow, He shoots them into the bodies of innocent women. Thus these women become invalids. It would be better if He took My life without hesitation, but He does not do so. He simply gives Me pain. (22) “In the scriptures it is said that one person can never know the unhappiness in the mind of another. Therefore what can I say of My dear friends, Lalitā and the others? Nor can they understand the unhappiness within Me. They simply try to console Me repeatedly, saying, ‘Dear friend, be patient.’ (23) “I say, ‘My dear friends, you are asking Me to be patient, saying that Kṛṣṇa is an ocean of mercy and that some time in the future He will accept Me. However, I must say that this will not console Me. A living entity’s life is very flickering. It is like water on the leaf of a lotus flower. Who will live long enough to expect Kṛṣṇa’s mercy? (24)
“‘A human being does not live more than a hundred years. You should also consider that the youthfulness of a woman, which is the only attraction for Kṛṣṇa, remains for only a few days. (25) “‘If you say that Kṛṣṇa is an ocean of transcendental qualities and therefore must be merciful some day, I can only say that He is like fire, which attracts moths by its dazzling brightness and kills them. Such are the qualities of Kṛṣṇa. By showing Us His transcendental qualities, He attracts Our minds, and then later, by separating from Us, He drowns Us in an ocean of unhappiness.’” (26) In this way, Lord Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu lamented in a great ocean of sadness, and thus He opened the doors of His unhappiness. Forced by the waves of ecstasy, His mind wandered over transcendental mellows, and He recited another verse [as follows]. (27) “‘My dear friends, unless I serve the transcendental form, qualities and pastimes of Śrī Kṛṣṇa, all My days and all My senses will become entirely useless. Now I am uselessly bearing the burden of My senses, which are like stone blocks and dried wood. I do not know how long I will be able to continue without shame.’ (28)
“Of what use are the eyes of one who does not see the face of Kṛṣṇa, which resembles the moon and is the birthplace of all beauty and the reservoir of the nectarean songs of His flute? Oh, let a thunderbolt strike his head! Why does he keep such eyes? (29) “My dear friends, please hear Me. I have lost all providential strength. Without Kṛṣṇa, My body, consciousness and mind, as well as all My senses, are useless. (30) “Topics about Kṛṣṇa are like waves of nectar. If such nectar does not enter one’s ear, the ear is no better than the hole of a damaged conchshell. Such an ear is created for no purpose. (31) “The nectar from the lips of Lord Kṛṣṇa and His transcendental qualities and characteristics surpass the taste of the essence of all nectar, and there is no fault in tasting such nectar. If one does not taste it, he should die immediately after birth, and his tongue is to be considered no better than the tongue of a frog. (32)
“One’s nostrils are no better than the bellows of a blacksmith if one has not smelled the fragrance of Kṛṣṇa’s body, which is like the aroma of musk combined with that of the bluish lotus flower. Indeed, such combinations are actually defeated by the aroma of Kṛṣṇa’s body. (33) “The palms of Kṛṣṇa’s hands and the soles of His feet are so cool and pleasant that they can be compared only to the light of millions of moons. One who has touched such hands and feet has indeed tasted the effects of touchstone. If one has not touched them, his life is spoiled, and his body is like iron.” (34) Lamenting in this way, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu opened the doors of grief within His heart. Morose, humble and disappointed, He recited a verse again and again with a despondent heart. (35) “‘If by chance the transcendental form of Kṛṣṇa comes before My path of vision, My heart, injured from being beaten, will be stolen away by Cupid, happiness personified. Because I could not see the beautiful form of Kṛṣṇa to My heart’s content, when I again see His form I shall decorate the phases of time with many jewels.’ (36) “Whenever I had the chance to see Lord Kṛṣṇa’s face and His flute, even in a dream, two enemies would appear before Me. They were pleasure and Cupid, and since they took away My mind, I was not able to see the face of Kṛṣṇa to the full satisfaction of My eyes. (37)
“If by chance such a moment comes when I can once again see Kṛṣṇa, then I shall worship those seconds, moments and hours with flower garlands and pulp of sandalwood and decorate them with all kinds of jewels and ornaments.” (38) In an instant, Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu regained external consciousness and saw two persons before Him. Questioning them, He asked, “Am I conscious? What dreams have I been seeing? What craziness have I spoken? Have you heard some expressions of humility?” (39) Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu continued, “My dear friends, you are all My life and soul; therefore I tell you that I possess no wealth of love for Kṛṣṇa. Consequently My life is poverty- stricken. My limbs and senses are useless.” (40) Again He addressed Svarūpa Dāmodara and Rāya Rāmānanda, speaking despondently: “Alas! My friends, you can now know the certainty within My heart, and after knowing My heart you should judge whether I am correct or not. You can speak of this properly.” Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu then began to chant another verse. (41)
“‘Love of Godhead, devoid of cheating propensities, is not possible within this material world. If there is such a love, there cannot be separation, for if there is separation, how can one live?’ (42) “Pure love for Kṛṣṇa, just like gold from the Jāmbū River, does not exist in human society. If it existed, there could not be separation. If separation were there, one could not live.” (43) Thus speaking, the son of Śrīmatī Śacīmātā recited another wonderful verse, and Rāmānanda Rāya and Svarūpa Dāmodara heard this verse with rapt attention. Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu said, “I feel shameful to disclose the activities of My heart. Nonetheless, I shall be done with all formalities and speak from the heart. Please hear.” (44) Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu continued, “‘My dear friends, I have not the slightest tinge of love of Godhead within My heart. When you see Me crying in separation, I am just falsely exhibiting a demonstration of My great fortune. Indeed, not seeing the beautiful face of Kṛṣṇa playing His flute, I continue to live My life like an insect, without purpose.’ (45)
“Actually, My love for Kṛṣṇa is far, far away. Whatever I do is actually an exhibition of pseudo love of Godhead. When you see Me cry, I am simply falsely demonstrating My great fortune. Please try to understand this beyond a doubt. (46) “Even though I do not see the moonlike face of Kṛṣṇa as He plays on His flute, and although there is no possibility of My meeting Him, still I take care of My own body. That is the way of lust. In this way, I maintain My flylike life. (47) “Love for Lord Kṛṣṇa is very pure, just like the waters of the Ganges. That love is an ocean of nectar. That pure attachment to Kṛṣṇa does not conceal any spot, which would appear just like a spot of ink on a white cloth. (48) “Unalloyed love of Kṛṣṇa is like an ocean of happiness. If someone gets one drop of it, the whole world can drown in that drop. It is not befitting to express such love of Godhead, yet a madman must speak. But even though he speaks, no one believes him.” (49)
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